Always Only For My King

excited about the southwest

2010-03-08T13:49:00.003-06:00

as nat's interview at sandia draws closer, i find myself getting more and more excited thinking about possibly moving to albuquerque.

i started looking at houses a few days after nat told me about the interview, and the housing prices are pretty affordable, and many of the houses i looked at were fairly new (less than 20 years old) and in good condition. i also like how albuquerque is a city, but not a big city. albuquerque doesn't strike me as suburbia (which i may be wrong), so it seems like it would fit our hopes of continuing to live a modest lifestyle. it also seems that we wouldn't have a problem living off one income. i like that it seems pretty sunny and warm there (a nice change from the midwest winters), and that's a definite plus for me!

one of the few down sides is that we'd be further away from our parents (at least nat's) than in champaign. both of our parents would have to fly which mean that we would see both parents less during the year.

i don't want to count my chickens before they're hatched, but i really do hope that nat does well at his interview and gets an offer. i also hope that the projects would be things that nat would be interested in.

a great deal!

2010-02-26T13:37:00.001-06:00

Dear Tech Companies,

My accomplished, intelligent, hard-working husband is graduating this year with his PhD. He would be a great asset to your company. Sandia has offered him an interview. I think it would be wise for you to jump on the band wagon too before he gets snatched up.

Thank you.
Ramona

happy birthday

2010-01-21T15:23:00.003-06:00

today is nat's birthday! :) happy birthday nat!

each year, i ask nat what he wants to eat for his birthday; it's the way that i show people i love how much i love them. this year, he has picked chimichangas for dinner. i'm not a fan of the recipe he likes, but since he requested it, i am happy to make it for him. :) he has also picked out having a chocolate cake.

i also picked out some foods he likes to celebrate. i made stuffed french toast for breakfast this morning. i also bought some cheese that he really likes--goat, smoked gouda, and manchego.

conversations we have in the morning

2010-01-13T08:10:00.004-06:00

me: lane kiffin is going to usc.
nat: i know, i read that this morning. what a jerkface. it's a good fit for usc though*.

some conversation about why he's a jerkface.

nat: well, at least this will continue my dislike of usc.**

* nat's explanation: usc is under a lot of controversy. lane kiffin is under a lot of controversy. that's why it's a good fit.
** nat had told me earlier he wasn't sure how he was doing to dislike usc if pete carroll wasn't there anymore.

longhorn love

2010-01-08T11:45:00.002-06:00

yesterday's championship was heartbreaking for me, but not as heartbreaking as it would have been if we'd lost with mccoy in the game. it seemed like things were going the longhorn way until colt got injured and went out of the game. when gilbert came in, i knew that the game was over. the leader of our offense was out, and it was unrealistic to ask the team to pull out a championship win with a true freshman quarterback that had "no significant playing time".

as the 2nd half rolled around, i was pleasantly surprised by my longhorns. the defense played spectacularly and with heart. they were fired up and were playing like they had a chance if they could get the offense onto the field. sure, 'bama was playing conservatively to protect their lead, but give credit to the defense in how they just dominated 'bama defensively for most of the 2nd half. then, gilbert got some confidence and scored for the horns. when i thought the game was over in the 1st half, the horns showed that they might be able to pull off a miracle with 4 minutes to go. sure, it went downhill after gilbert fumbled the ball, but there was a real glimmer of hope right at the end of the game. we didn't get blown out. we didn't embarrass ourselves. we played with heart. we played the best we could have having lost colt and having a true freshman play. good job longhorns. i'm proud of you!

another good exchange from today...

2010-01-06T21:46:00.003-06:00

nat: i can't watch him embarrass himself. just like you can't watch violent parts, i can't watch socially awkward parts.

nat proceeds to walk out of the room. :P

this is while we were watching "the proposal" tonight.

plans?

2010-01-06T12:10:00.003-06:00

nat: do you have any plans tomorrow?
me: no.
nat: are you sure? (nat raises his eyebrows)
me: yes.....
nat: are you sure you don't have plans around 7-7:15PM?
me: uh, do you have game night?
nat throws me the hook 'em sign.
me: oh yeah! :)

hook 'em horns. good luck tomorrow! :)

d'oh

2009-12-03T08:48:00.002-06:00

i ordered nat's christmas gifts online this year, and they came in three separate packages. one of the gifts was a laptop battery since nat's battery died. i thought the package that arrived yesterday was nat's battery so i told him to open it. it turned out to be one of his other gifts--firefly. whoops. :P nat told me that i should have opened the packages first! lesson learned!

flattery

2009-11-17T11:23:00.002-06:00

yesterday, we took jonas to get his 2-month checkup. it also turned out that our clinic was offering the h1n1 vaccine to high-risk people. we are considered high risk because we have a child under 6 months at home. anyways, the nurse that was giving me the shot said some things that i thought were very flattering:

she said i looked too small for having a 9 week old.
she told me life was never going to be the same after a child. i realized she thought jonas was my first, and i told her i had a 2-year old. she said i looked too young to have 2 kids.
she asked how old i was after i told her i had 2 kids, i told her i was 30. she said i looked younger than 30.

that made my day, especially since i know i don't look my "best" right now taking care of a newborn.

charlie horse

2009-10-21T21:20:00.001-05:00

me: man, my flu shot feels like i got a charlie horse.
nat: did i tell you that when i was in high school in germany, we used to give each other charlie horses for fun?
me: boys are dumb.
nat: yeah they are.

selfish selfish selfish

2009-10-20T11:56:00.002-05:00

one of my friends cindy g and nat challenged me to examine my heart of why i was so anxious and fearful of facing each day with jonas. it started with unpredictability -> wanting control -> being selfish. i think deep at the roots, it's my sinful nature of being selfish. it boils down to this: i want to do what i want to do when i want to do it. i don't want anyone else to dictate my time. i want to be able to sleep when i want to sleep. i want to be able to hangout with nat when i want to and do what we want to do. the problem is, with a newborn you can't do what you want to do. your time is dictated by the baby and his needs. and it's tough.

God has definitely taught me to sean to let go of the control and selfish desires. by His grace and mercy we were able to get to a point with sean where he had a pretty good routine down. i was able to let go of some my selfish desires and adapt to doing some of the things i wanted to do around sean's schedule. it also helps that sean goes to bed at 7PM, so nat and i get some time to ourselves. that's been a big blessing.

now, we're back at square one, and God is teaching me again about letting go and not being selfish. in some ways, through prayer and early recognition of my fear and anxiety, things are easier. i've learned to do things while jonas is sleeping and sean is awake--like cleaning the house. i've also learned to be more ok with jonas being awake and my time being taken up with caring for him. it's still hard, don't get me wrong, but, it's getting easier.

i am still very selfish; i even pray that we'll be on a good routine in the next few months with jonas. i still get anxious about getting on a routine and being fearful of not sleep training well, but i have learned to relax a little bit more and give control to the Lord. it has made a big difference this week in my attitude towards the day and my children. i'm so thankful for cindy g and my other friends for their words of being prayerful (though at the time that's not what i wanted to her) and seeking the Lord. it has led to a change in my heart attitude rather than being frustrated and trying to force/change jonas (which would probably be very unsuccessful right now). :P

feeling the burn

2009-10-19T13:24:00.001-05:00

after 5.5 weeks, i went to workout at the gym for the first time since jonas was born. i would have gone earlier, but my doctor wanted me to wait since i had a c-section. i did 20 minutes of cardio and one set of leg presses. nat cautioned me to take it easy and work myself up to what i used to do. :P so for now, i'm just going to go 3 days a week.

i must say, i feel that my stomach is the flattest that it's been since high school. i think working out "normally" during my pregnancy plus the extra calories burned while making jonas plus the gestational diabetes diet really helped me to lose the pregnancy weight and stay somewhat toned. i think it's kinda sad though that i feel i look my best right after i had a newborn. :P

juggling two

2009-10-08T14:45:00.002-05:00

i've had my share of juggling two young children the past week and a half. now, i understand how mom's need to multitask! i've found myself nursing and eating dinner (or fixing dinner), nursing and holding a toddler, and holding a newborn and taking care of a toddler. i'm not supposed to be lifting anything heavier than jonas right now b/c of my c-section, but that's totally out the window with a 2 year old!

pre-pregnancy pants

2009-09-26T13:41:00.002-05:00

i tried on my pre-pregnancy pants today and they fit! not only did they fit, they were a little bit loose! i couldn't believe it!

motherhood 201

2009-09-18T19:59:00.002-05:00

our son, jonas, was born on 9/11, so he's a week old now. yay! how time does fly with the second (though sleepless nights are still pretty long).

today, i realized that motherhood 201, while at times is easier, can be just as hard as motherhood 101. for me, i know what to expect and that the difficult times will pass. i know that we can train our child and mold him, though it might take some time and effort. these things make a lot of the psychological aspect of parenting easier. i'm not as stressed (though i am still a little) about being a good parent or messing up my son.

what makes parenting 201 harder is that i have a different child. the things that worked for sean don't necessarily work for jonas. already, i can see how jonas and sean have different temperaments and schedules. because of this, there are times where i'm still asking myself, "what am i doing wrong? how come i don't know my child?" i know that God is using this time period to continue to show me to depend on Him solely as i have no control in jonas' life as a newborn. not only that, jonas is different from sean, so it's a whole new learning process of figuring out what works for jonas and his "schedule". there have been many days this week, especially ones like today where we had a long night, where i have asked a lot of the same questions as when i was a mom for the first time--"is this normal? am i doing something wrong? am i doing a good job as a mom?" and ironically, i've been writing e-mails to new moms recently to encourage them through their times of doubt with these same questions. in fact, nat has used my same words to encourage me the past couple of days. i thank God that i'm married to nat and what a source of encouragement and strength he is during this fragile time for me. and i thank God that He is sustaining me and giving me just what i can handle at this time. i will say, i am so thankful that sean is taking the transition to his brother well, and that sean doesn't wake up to his little brother's loud cries in the middle of the night. i know that this is just God's grace to me to help me through this period.

despite my difficulties, i have found that i am more laid back with jonas. i am enjoying my time with him as a newborn more. i have to remember to also treasure and spend my time well with sean. i know that this time period will pass, so i pray that God will help me enjoy as much as this time as i can.

same and different

2009-08-25T19:23:00.002-05:00

inspired by jaime's post, i thought i'd reflect on what has been the same and different with this pregnancy.

same

first trimester "morning" sickness. by "morning" i mean starts mostly in the afternoon and progressively gets worse until bedtime. i think it lasted a little bit longer this time, but it was still there.
gestational diabetes. yup, i got it again in my 30th week. lucky me! :)
little weight gain. i would say my low weight gain in the last weeks are due to my gestational diabetes diet.
cravings. most of my cravings were different, but i still craved sweets. i think i'm going to have a smore soon..
ailments. i now have the same swollen feet, eczema acting up, and red shins that i had last time. i also have the same skin tags that i did from last time.

different

time. man, has this pregnancy flown by! chasing a toddler definitely makes time go by more quickly. i think this has been good for me so that i wouldn't worry so much about how the baby was doing. :)
cravings. when i was feeling sick last time with sean, spaghetti and spaghetti sauce was one of the few things i could eat. seafood made me gag just looking at it. this time around, spaghetti sauce made me gag. any green veggie made me gag. everything else was ok. i don't remember what i craved, but it was slightly different.
movement. this baby has moved a lot more than i remember sean moving. :) i think that has more to do with his personality than anything.
ailment. uh, i have hemorrhoids this time, and it didn't bother me until right now. i think the baby is sitting real low now, and he's putting pressure down there which makes it flare up. very uncomfortable and not cool. i feel like i kinda did after delivery with sean. boo.

what a good influence i am....

2009-08-25T15:31:00.001-05:00

this is what my friend posted on my facebook today:

I blame you for ruining my ability to work. I hear sawing noises in my head as I think to myself... "Ooo, Settlers online? Yes! Yes, I will!" Curse you, Ramona!

ah, i'm such a good friend. :)

progress

2009-08-20T22:24:00.002-05:00

we're now on the homestretch where i go and see the doctor every week. the doctor checked me today to see how i was progressing. he was super excited to see that i was almost at 3cm and 80% effaced. i told him that's what i was last week (he didn't check the chart before checking me). so essentially, i've made no progress. :)

dr. s. thinks the baby is about 7 lbs and 11 oz right now. we'll see how accurate that is when he comes out! :)

ramona != whale cow

2009-08-11T13:21:00.002-05:00

for the past couple of months, i've complained to nat that i feel like i whale cow. today, i got an e-mail with the subject, "ramona != whale cow". in the e-mail, it says, "I have evidence. See attached.":

my husband sure is sweet and can make me laugh! :)

last days

2009-08-08T19:12:00.000-05:00

now that my due date is approaching, i definitely feel like i need to cherish these last days where it's just the 3 of us, and the last days (for awhile) of uninterrupted sleep.

long day

2009-07-28T18:54:00.002-05:00

today was a very long day for me. the past few days, sean has been more cranky and less apt to take his nap. we don't know what's bothering him, but he's definitely not his normal self. today, he didn't take a nap. i had planned on this, but i was still going to nap while he babbled to himself. then, about 20 minutes in, he hit his head against the wall real hard. i went in to console him, and as soon as i left, he started crying his upset cry. i went back to lay down, but he just cried off an on for an hour, very upset. i finally went to get him, when he hit his head again against the wall*. fortunately, he stayed in bed the whole time, but he was cranky when he got out which meant for a long afternoon.

when sean is cranky, my patience runs very low. fortunately, God gave me an extra dose of patience so that i wasn't angry or yelling at him. i felt tired more than anything. today, sean decided to get into things that he normally doesn't get into -- kitchen cabinets, oven storage, etc. i decided to pick my battles of what i was going to say "no" to. i had to fight him to get him in his carseat, in the store cart, and face lots of whining. fortunately, nat came home and took over for me! i must say, by the end of the afternoon, i was very tired and on the verge of tears from a long afternoon. i hope that sean feels better soon, especially before his birthday and grandparents come this weekend!

* sometimes i'd love to have a video in his room to see what he's doing.

settlers of catan online

2009-07-27T23:07:00.002-05:00

well, i stayed up too late playing settlers online again (it's about an hour past my bedtime). :P i'm addicted. i think it's bad for me to play before i go to bed because i dream about trades and playing!

a friend of mine asked (in response to my new addiction): "isn't settlers about the social interaction with your friends over fine wine and cheese?" well, sometimes. and sometimes it's just about winning. :) it's nice that the board is automatically set up (in a lot of variations) and you get your cards instantaneously. :P i have noticed that i don't trade with as many people (probably given the variations i play) than i normally do.

stressful dream

2009-07-27T21:49:00.002-05:00

last night i dreamt that i was the acoustic guitarist/singer for bon jovi. the problem was that i didn't know how to play the guitar (i had to go look up how to play one chord and i'd just strum that chord), and i didn't know the words to the songs.

it's not everyday you hear....

2009-07-24T13:56:00.003-05:00

"you need to gain more weight". that's what the doctor said today after i had my 35 week checkup. i haven't gained weight the past 3 visits, which is the span of 6 weeks. :P she wasn't overly concerned, but she'd just like to see me gain more. i told her i gained about the same weight when i was pregnant with sean, and that i had a harder time gaining weight at the end with my controlled diet. i guess i should be eating for 2 from now on. i'd like to say bring on the deep fried food and sweets, but that's not exactly what i should be doing for my diet. maybe i should have entered the hot dog eating contest, or eating 72 lbs of steak.....

the final turn

2009-07-19T19:52:00.003-05:00

in the next couple of months, so major things are happening: sean's 2nd birthday, arrival of our 2nd son, and nat's prelim.

nat's approaching the final turn of his phd career. yay! he's feeling a little bit stressed with all the work he has to do between now and his prelim (finish a conference paper, work on prelim statement, work on prelim slides). after he finishes his prelim, he'll be in the homestretch! yippee! ;)

spoiled

2009-07-10T09:28:00.002-05:00

well everyone, i made it through the day alive yesterday. :P let me backup a little bit. my mom had been visiting for a week and a half, and i must say, i love when my mom visits. she plays with sean, she cooks, and she's generous enough to buy things for us (like groceries, lunch, or custard cup). it's great for me because i get a little break from being a stay at home mom. and it's great that my mom loves spending time with her grandson and serving our family. she did get tired at the end of each day (but who wouldn't chasing a toddler around?), but i think she enjoyed her time.

anyways, everytime my mom is here, i get spoiled with all the help. then, when she leaves, i get this, "i can't do this" attitude, even though it's not much different without her. but, i managed to get through the day, and all went well. :) nat kindly reminds me that i've been taking care of sean by myself about 95% of his life. :) thanks honey, for that reminder! :)

thanks mom for all your help! we loved having you here! :)

gestational diabetes

2009-07-08T19:14:00.003-05:00

i went in for my 32 week checkup today. we had a sonogram to make sure the baby's due date hasn't changed. our son measured to be around 32 weeks, so everything looks great.

my doctor said that my blood sugars look good, and that i can go to taking my sugars every other day, yay!

i'm a little bit skeptical about the whole gestational diabetes thing in my case. i've heard that different doctors/hospitals/clinics have different tolerances to the blood glucose for when you fail. i think the hospital/clinic i'm at is definitely more strict. i failed 2 out of the 4 measurements for the 3 hour blood glucose, one of which was really close (180 was the cutoff, i was at 188). my friend had said that if you fail 1, you're still considered as passing. she had also told me that at our mutual friend's clinic/hospital, you just have to pass the fasting (before you drink the sugary liquid) and the last measurement at the 3 hour mark in order to "pass" the test (aka not have gestational diabetes). if i were at the same place she was, i would be classified as not having gestational diabetes.

the other reason i've been thinking that i probably don't have gestational diabetes is since i've been monitoring my diet, i've only had a high reading of 135 after meals. and these are meals that are pretty much carbo loaded (case and point, today for lunch i had as many of my mom's dumplings as i wanted which was probably twice the amount of carbs i should have eaten). now, in some places, you just have to stay under 140, but like i said, our clinic is strict, and the doctor that oversees "high risk pregnancies" (which include gestational diabetics), wants that number to be under 120.

i know that our doctors just want to make sure that we have things under control and that we don't have a big baby. but now, i'm a little bit more lax about things moreso than when i was pregnant with sean. :P i wish i wasn't so borderline. :P

i love my husband

2009-06-18T19:23:00.003-05:00

i love nat so very much, and i am so thankful that he is my husband. in the past few days, he has rebuked me over several issues, and during those times, i've been so thankful for nat. strange, i know. i love how God works in nat's life and how he truly does love me as Christ loved the church. in his rebuke, i could see his love and gentleness towards me and that attitude definitely made a big difference in how i received his rebuke. i'm not saying nat is perfect, but i do love seeing Christ work in his heart!

gmail link

2009-06-09T18:58:00.001-05:00

here's what i got in today's gmail link: top 10 ways to provoke a geek

stuffy

2009-06-02T00:25:00.002-05:00

so it's 12:30AM, and i'm up, not by choice. my nose is so stuffed up, i can't go to sleep. to make it worse, nat is in the living room sleeping b/c my tossing and turning (plus trying to clear out my nose) was waking him up. i gave in and took some tynenol cold, so i'm hoping that it'll help me breathe in the next 30 minutes so i can go to sleep.

i can't wait for this cold to pass. it seems like it's not really bothering sean (he sleeps great), except for the loss in appetite. i hate colds, and it's been a long time since i could actually take something for a cold so that i can go to sleep (b/c of nursing or being pregnant). i wish i could just take my old alka seltzer cold, and be zonked out. bleh. hopefully this cold won't last much longer--at least the stuffy nose and not being able to sleep at night.

colds in summer

2009-05-29T13:26:00.000-05:00

i woke up with a scratchy throat this morning. i felt icky as soon as i woke up (and it didn't help that sean was up right before 6AM). i hate being sick when the weather is so nice!

diabetes

2009-05-26T15:49:00.000-05:00

i'm taking my gestational diabetes test tomorrow. i'm dreading the result because i think i'm going to fail the test and have gestational diabetes. bleh. i wasn't thrilled to have my diet carb-limited last time, and i'm definitely not looking forward to it again (if i have to do it). i will say, being on the diet the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy did curb the amount of weight i gained. but, i'd rather take more weight gain than feeling hungry all the time. :P either way, the Lord is in control, and the baby is doing well so far. :) i can praise God for that!

end of a short spring

2009-05-21T13:17:00.001-05:00

well, we've come to the end of a short and cool spring. last weekend (graduation weekend) it was 60s. now, we've jumped into 80s. where were the 70s? :sigh:

control

2009-05-18T13:33:00.002-05:00

if you like being in control, don't have children. if you want God to grow and stretch you in ways that you can't possibly imagine, have children.

the past few days, i've almost had a spiritual and emotional meltdown. why? because sean has decided not to take naps from thursday - sunday (with the exception of saturday). i know, it seems trivial, and God hinted at that to me when our friends went into labor at 30 weeks with twins (the twins are tiny but doing fine). i wondered why it bothered me so much, and yesterday at small group, i realized it's because i like predictability, i like control, i like routine. and like sandy told me last night, God has blessed me immeasurably with these things with sean for a long time (sandy was surprised it was so long). however, in a span of 4 days, i felt completely out of control. i wondered if i was doing something wrong. i wondered if i even knew sean at all if i couldn't get him to nap. and God really broke me using such a simple thing. as nat prayed for my heart last night as we fell asleep, i wept. i didn't like being anxious and fretting over something so minor. i wanted to be ok with change and unpredictability, but i couldn't let it just roll off my back.

i feel that God is teaching me the same lesson as He did when i first struggled with sean's sleep habits as a newborn -- let go of control; people are unique and change and that's ok. i am still struggling with this idea (i woke up anxious and nervous this morning), but i am seeking the Lord to help me through this time. He has been gracious to me today and sean is down for a nap, but even if he didn't take one, i have been praying that i would be ok with this new sean and not let it get to me so much.

hard time sleeping

2009-05-14T08:15:00.000-05:00

there was a thunderstorm last night, and the winds, rain, and thunder kept waking me up. i told nat this this morning, to which he replied, "there was a thunderstorm? i must have slept through it!". if only i could be that lucky!

i tried to kill myself and nat today... :P

2009-05-11T20:55:00.002-05:00

ok, not really, but i did end up doing somethings that could have or did cause serious harm. :P

a friend wanted to borrow our fertilizer/seed spreader, so i needed to move the car. i figured, i'd just put the car in neutral and push it out. i underestimated how much i needed to push it and how fast it would be going at the end. needless to say, i managed to run (as best as i can in my current condition) and press down on the brakes before the car ended up in the middle of the street. the neighbor across the street was out working on her garden so i hope i didn't look like an idiot. :P

tonight at dinner, nat asked me to hand him the steak knife. well, i handed it to him knife pointing at him and managed to jab him in the finger. well, basically stabbed. nat jumped up and was in a lot of pain. he said something to the effect, "you never hand over a knife blade first! this is basic stuff you learn at boy scouts". nat forgave me, and i have learned my lesson. blade facing towards me when handing a knife off.

funny quotes from party

2009-05-10T20:57:00.000-05:00

nat threw me a belated birthday/mother's day party last night. i have two quotes that i thought were pretty funny.

mrs. b (to her husband mr. b): "she's not your wife!" (in reference to mr. b taking chips off of mrs. s's plate)

nat: "sam and i found God! no one else did. rachel found beer though" (they were playing boggle. ironically, everyone at the party was Christian. :P)

garden

2009-05-04T12:40:00.002-05:00

well, it finally stopped raining on friday night, and i was antsy to get my garden planted. since we didn't have small group last night, i thought that it would be the perfect time to till (with a shovel) and plant the garden. :) i was a little worried when i started tilling that it would be too damp, but it wasn't. i tilled the garden while nat did other gardening projects out in the front; sean decided to stay in the backyard and help me. he did quite well just walking across the garden and playing with the dirt.

after i tilled the garden, nat came back and helped me mix in some sand and break up some of the larger clumps. he took sean so that i could plant my seeds without worrying about what sean might do to the garden. after and a half, i finished tilling and planting my garden! i have basil, lettuce, cilantro, green onions, bush beans, beets, arugula, and lettuce planted. hopefully they'll do well this year! :)

on a related note, i was cautious not to work too hard in the garden and overexert myself. the work wasn't too bad, and i actually had quite a lot of energy to do chores after dinner! i think it was being outside in the fresh air and the satisfaction of having my garden done. unfortunately, i did get a light sprain in my ankle (i think from the tilling), and my forearms and lower back are sore. but, it's not too bad, so i'd say it was worth it!

busy bee

2009-04-30T13:10:00.002-05:00

in the next two months i think i'll have the busiest schedule i've had since the year began. :P all of the activities are social, which is great for me (the extrovert), but even i can get overwhelmed with everything! let's see if i can list the things i have in chronological order starting this week: dinner with students, baby shower, potluck at church, dinner with friends, party for students, planning sunday school, graduation party, going away party, friends coming in from out of town, baby shower, family coming in from out of town (two separate cousins), traveling to the east coast, and my mom coming into town. whew. :P please pray that i would keep my sanity and enjoy all these events!

long morning

2009-04-14T13:08:00.002-05:00

nat and i met with a lawyer this morning to draft a will. i didn't think that we'd we meet so long, but it turned out to be at 2 hour meeting. it turns out that there are things that can make our will more complicated. :P

it is interesting to think about things that you need to consider if you were to die. i think i wouldn't have bothered too much if it were just nat and i; if i died, i know that nat could take care of himself. but now, we have sean so i want him to be taken care of and nat to have the means to take care of sean if something were to happen. it's a little bit surreal considering what should go to who and how (or who sean may go to if we were both to die). in the end, i know all the things of this world will fade away anyways, but i do think there is wisdom in providing for your family if something were to happen. i think i faced a mix of feelings of being wise with what God has given me and not trying to focus too much on all the things that we have. it turned out to be a good reminder that God is in control and that He is eternal, not things.

getaway

2009-04-01T18:56:00.003-05:00

i know what i want for my 30th birthday--a getaway for just nat and i. and luckily for me, nat thought of the same idea. :) so, i'm hoping that we'll be able to take a long weekend off while we find someone to watch sean (we're thinking the grandparents right now, but we have to ask!). i'm not sure where i want to go, but i don't want to go anywhere in driving distance; i'd rather fly to our destination. i'll let you know where we end up going! :)

love your neighbor as yourself

2009-03-26T12:33:00.002-05:00

i don't if it's because i'm asian (aka indirect) or what a friend would call "passive aggressive", but my "old" (pre-Christ) self would do nice things for others in hopes of getting noticed for those things and having some nice gesture returned.

i must admit, i still struggle with doing kind things without caring what the outcome is. but, God has been good lately and teaching me how to love nat as i would love myself. usually, the sweet husband that he is, gets up and feeds sean so i can get an extra hour of sleep. but nat has been tired recently, so he asked if i could do it. so, i got up early this morning to take care of sean. i must say, i really enjoyed my time this morning and God really filled me with contentment (instead of resentment that i might normally feel) with taking care of him. i didn't feel tired, and i wasn't grumpy, so it was great! also, i've been trying to find ways that i can support nat being at work longer so he can graduate sooner. God has been helping me fight the tendency to want and tell nat to come home early many days just so i can be with him. it has been good, and i think (and hope) that it has been good for nat as well.

college life

2009-03-18T13:05:00.002-05:00

about a year and a half ago, i started getting involved in the college ministry at church. it has definitely been a challenge to figure out ways to get the students plugged in at church. we've done free lunch after church, lunchtime on campus with some members, small dinner groups with members, worship and theology night, among other things. i think each one has had it's success, but it's not quite what i had envisioned.

a huge challenge that we face in our church is "competing" for the students time and involvement. many students are involved in cru or iv, and they're not just involved, they are leaders. this means, their time is taken up by Bible study, discipleship meetings, large group meetings, and leaders meetings. take that plus being a student, it leads for very little extra time to do anything else.

i, personally, think cru and iv is great for helping students grow, challenging them to think about missions, connecting them with other students, outreach, evangelism, and discipleship. but there comes a point where i think it's necessary and important to teach the students the importance of church and fellowship. God has been putting this issue on my heart, and i've been struggling to find ways to effectively do this. i feel the students are so engrossed in the college ministries that it is hard to pry them away from this "college Christian bubble" that has formed from cru and iv. the danger i see is that when they graduate, they will soon find out that the were truly in a bubble and potentially flounder in finding a church and getting involved in fellowship. and by getting involved, i mean more than just attending church on sunday. i floundered after i graduated, and it wasn't until i got married and spoke more with nat that i realized how much i lacked Christian community.

i feel that this transition from being heavily pursued in college via Christian ministries to "being on your own" is a place where many students fall away from the church and their faith. so, i've had this sense of urgency to pursue the college students in our church. i've sent out an e-mail trying to prepare them for the difficulties of this transition and encouraging them to participate in fellowship within our church so that they can in a sense "practice" before they leave. i know that not all will see the urgency that i have for them, but i have been encouraged by a few students who have sought out fellowship.

i pray that the Lord would continue to give me wisdom of how to encourage these students and love them and that they would be able to find a good solid church and community after they graduate.

crazy weather

2009-03-16T13:19:00.003-05:00

nat and i got home from visiting family in houston yesterday. i was shocked to see that the high in champaign was higher than the high in houston yesterday. :P

jarling's/custard cup

2009-03-04T13:23:00.001-06:00

the day we've all been waiting for... custard cup will be opening this friday. i'm sad that i'll be missing it, but nat will be able to enjoy his reese's pieces snowstorm soon enough!

dennis, i know you're drooling right now. :)

free pancakes

2009-02-24T09:36:00.001-06:00

there is free pancakes at ihop today from 7am - 10pm. we already enjoyed ours. :)

"that bread hates me!"

2009-02-16T12:18:00.002-06:00

that's what nat told me on valentine's day morning. :P he had finished giving sean breakfast and headed out to get me some "treats". unfortunately, when he headed to mirabelle's to get my favorite bread, pecan raisin, they hadn't finished baking it. they had finished baking all the other breads, but not that one. this wasn't the first time that nat had wanted to get me the bread and was unable to. one time he took the bus to downtown, only to find that mirabelle's was closed. i think he went another time, and they didn't have the bread. so when he came home on saturday morning, he was pretty irritated. :) hence, the comment. :)

telepathy?

2009-02-12T19:09:00.001-06:00

i had a horrible time sleeping last night, and i woke up with a sore throat. when nat left, i hoped that i'd be able to lay on the couch and watch sean play. you know what? it's like sean read my mind, because he was happy to play by himself for a good hour without bothering me. it's as if he knew! what a sweet boy! :)

lunch yesterday

2009-02-10T12:20:00.003-06:00

after running some errands in the morning, i decided i was going to meet up with nat at work for lunch. it took some time getting there (making sean's lunch, getting his "eating" gear, getting my lunch), but it was well worth it to get out and be with nat during the day.

grandma

2009-01-29T11:50:00.002-06:00

in light of zelxyb's recent post, i've been thinking a lot about my maternal grandma in taiwan.

my mom went back to taiwan at the end of january so that she could celebrate chinese new year's with her mom and sister. my mom has called me a couple of times from taiwan, and it makes me nostalgic and think of my time in taiwan even more; especially with my grandma.

the last time i was back in taiwan was in 2003, for my paternal grandpa's funeral. it wasn't a very typical visit for us since we stayed in a hotel the whole time and ate out quite a bit. we weren't supposed to visit any relatives that were related to my grandpa as the taiwanese are superstitious and are afraid that you'll bring death to their family. this meant, i couldn't really experience taiwan in the way that i was used to.

so back to my grandma. when i think of my grandma, i really think of her laughing and cooking all the time. each meal (except for maybe breakfast) was a feast and always very tasty. she would cook at least 5 dishes for the family, and there would always be plenty of leftovers. when our meal was ready, we'd all sit down and eat, and both my grandparents would put food in my bowl and my brother's, telling us that that dish or piece of meat was particularly tasty so that we should have more. my grandma would always encourage us (the ones visiting from the u.s.) to eat more b/c we looked so thin. that is how taiwanese grandma's take care of you i guess. :)

i'd like to remember my grandma (and even my grandpa) in the way that i do before my last visit to taiwan. i think it still shocks me how quickly they age right now, and i'd like to remember the vibrant grandparents that were still moving around, cooking, riding mopeds. i think that's why i'm torn on going back to taiwan. on the one hand, i'd love to visit and go eat at the places i've gone to since i visited when i was a little girl, but on the other hand, i know it won't be the same taiwan b/c my (maternal) grandpa has just passed away and i don't think my grandma is cooking quite as much anymore.

cold

2009-01-15T21:44:00.000-06:00

the high today was -1 without windchill in champaign. brrr.

poor nat

2009-01-06T12:24:00.000-06:00

nat has been up since 4AM not feeling so good. he's had diarrhea, vomiting, and the chills. all he's had today is a glass of gatorade. i hope he feels better soon! :(

this is the sickest i've ever seen him. poor guy!

back!

2009-01-04T21:47:00.002-06:00

it's good to be back home in champaign again. :) i missed going to church, and i missed seeing my friends. :)

spontaneous

2008-12-14T14:57:00.002-06:00

my best friend amy called our house at 8:30AM yesterday to tell us that she was going to the hospital b/c of her contractions. i had told her if she had the baby before we left for colorado, i'd try to be there. so, after she called, i started looking for tickets to houston using my parents frequent flyer miles (thanks mom and dad!). after looking, i found a ticket that would get me in at 10:15PM. nat and i went grocery shopping and came home to have lunch. i packed, and then got ready for a baby shower i was throwing. went to the baby shower, nat picked me up and took me to the airport. i called on my long layover in chicago to check on how amy was doing. she did great! she had isabel at 8:30PM! my friend's husband drove me to the hospital and i got to see the new family member. it was great!

i'll be home in champaign tomorrow night (for those of you in champaign that have been missing me). :)

butter type cookies -- my nemesis!

2008-12-09T12:17:00.002-06:00

arg! i have real trouble making cookies that have a lot of butter in them, especially when i double the recipe. one time, i doubled the butter without doubling the flour; this mean i had melted cookies in the oven. today, i misread the recipe (granted, in the recipe the used a "/" to separate the metric vs US measurement, so i mistook it for a "1"), so i tripled the sugar amount. this led to more melted cookies! sigh.

in awe

2008-12-04T19:34:00.002-06:00

be in awe of this beautiful equation my husband and his research group came up with for his model. :) well, in awe or let your head swim with all the symbols and variables. :)

sorry, i can't post what the variables mean or what the equation refers to. i'd hate for my husband to get scooped on his research. :P

success!

2008-12-03T12:58:00.004-06:00

nat was really happy when i picked him up from work yesterday. he finally has a mathematical formula to model the things that he's been working on for his research. he's been working on figuring out how to write on the model for months! luckily, his research group was able to help him figure out how to write the model. yay research group! :)

supposedly, the model has ten variables, a summation, and a product multiplier thingy. i joked with nat that he should print his formula out on a card, laminate it, and give it to all his committee members and say, "this is my contribution to the field". :)

thanksgiving

2008-11-30T20:21:00.001-06:00

i'm being lazy, so read this if you want to see what we did for thanksgiving. :)

accident

2008-11-14T12:05:00.002-06:00

this morning when i was driving to go work out, i almost got into an accident. i was driving straight and i had a green light; a person going the opposite way was turning left at the light. they didn't stop and i almost hit them. i slammed on the break, honked my horn. the car slid and i almost ran into the median. it was pretty crazy. i was pretty impressed with my reaction b/c usually i just panic and freeze. i think this is the closest i've come being in an accident.

ironically, we were borrowing our friend's car, and they had previously let some other friends borrow their car and they got into a big accident. the car got totaled and they had to get a new car (not the one i was driving). nat and i were just talking about it this morning when we drove home. i was freaked out mostly b/c i didn't want to give mark and jenn a heart attack; they might never let their friends borrow their cars ever again! don't worry mark and jenn (if you're reading this), all is well! :) your car did a fabulous job at braking!

love

2008-11-12T12:20:00.003-06:00

last night at women's Bible study, we were talking about love as part of our marriage study. as we studied the Word with regards to love, i found that this love is not just about marriage, but about how we as Christians should love others, with agape love (self-sacrificing, unconditional love, the same love that God gives to us).

a large chunk of our study was focused on 1 corinthians 13. i think many people tend to use these verses for marriage (i.e. it being used a weddings, including my own). but last night, i was struck at the power of these verses as it relates to how Christ exemplifies His agape love for us even when we reject and despise Him. i was also struck how this love is powerful. it isn't a love that is "run over" by others so they can do what they want with us, but it is a truly powerful love. a love that is active and strong. these are my thoughts about how Christ showed His love as described in 1 corinthians 13:4-7 towards those that rejected Him (as in some of the Pharisees):

Love is patient, love is kind.
despite numerous attacks by the pharisees, Jesus was still was patient and kind towards them trying to show them that He was God. i know in time, Christ did not answer the pharisees b/c He knew they were hard of heart, but even then, i think this shows Christ's kindness and patience by not giving them the punishment they deserved at that very moment.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
if anyone ever had the right to boast, it would have to be the Son of God, but Jesus didn't boast about who He was to anyone. He remained a humble servant doing the Father's will.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Jesus never sought His own will, but constantly did the will of His Father.

Jesus wasn't easily angered. i thought about this more, and i realized that Jesus could have been angry at those around Him who rejected Him or didn't believe in Him, but He showed them love. of course, there were times when Jesus was angry (as when He said that His house of prayer became den of robbers) for the Lord's glory. but i reread the verse and am reminded that love is not easily angered.

i am so humbled and blessed to be reminded that Christ will keep no record of wrongs for those that believe in Him. what freedom to be given God's unconditional and self-sacrificial love! it is like what john wrote in john 14:18, "there is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love". by Christ's blood, our transgressions and sins are remembered no more. there is no more punishment of death by His blood. praise the Lord!

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Jesus delighted in doing the Father's will. He delighted in sharing the truth of God and giving him glory! Jesus always trusted the Father, always hoped in Him, and persevered, even through the cross.

i praise the Lord that though i can never love perfectly as described in the above verses, that Christ did love perfectly. and only because of His perfect love, i can stand right before God, and that His perfect love has cast out fear of punishment in my life. what a powerful love! what an active love! thank You Lord!

sick days for moms

2008-11-10T19:56:00.002-06:00

i've been thinking off an on about what a mom would get if she were paid in a job--salary, benefits, etc. recently, since i've been sick, i've thought about sick days. it'd be nice if i had sick days i could use anyway i wanted. today, i would have loved to just sleep all day, especially since sean was awake between 3-4:30AM. unfortunately, i had a little toddler with loads of energy to watch over. :P i tried to take a nap when he was napping, but he had an erratic nap (30 minutes sleep, followed by 45 minutes of awake/crying, followed by 30 minutes of sleep). i am thankful that he does sleep through the night (even if he gets up at 3AM on rare occasions). hopefully i will get better soon even if i can't get a day off.

sick

2008-11-09T12:47:00.003-06:00

i was feeling a little bit sick at the beginning of last week--just a mild sore throat and some head congestion. i felt better in the middle of the week, and then bam, yesterday, i felt worse. my head is super congested and my nose has been runny. i slept this morning while nat and sean went to church. :P :sigh:

heart of stone

2008-10-27T22:16:00.003-05:00

i just cried at least five different times while watching the movie becoming jane. i've come to the conclusion that if you don't cry watching the movie you have a heart of stone. :P nat watched the movie with me and he didn't cry*. i accused of having a heart of stone to which he replied, "i guess i'll watch it again". we'll see if he cries.

* granted he was working and playing video games on his laptop so he was watching off and on, but that's not the point.

hosed

2008-10-27T12:13:00.002-05:00

many many years ago (i think 2002) when i got my computer, i decided to partition my hard drive into 3 sections -- one for the OS, one for programs, and one for my personal information. i figured, 7GB of space would be enough for the OS. unfortunately, i didn't realize that even though i installed the programs on a different partition, things were still being written into my OS partition. so over years, my OS partition has run out of space. the past month, i've had 600MB max of free space on my OS partition, so i've been trying to free up space by uninstalling all the programs i didn't need, doing disk cleanup almost every week, etc.

finally, last week, i just got fed up after i got the "You are running low on disk space" message for the third time in a week. i decided right then to reformat and reinstall windows on my machine. who would have thought it would take the whole day to figure out how to do it? the first problem i ran into was that i would run the setup for Windows XP in my old version of XP. when you do this, it copies the install files onto your harddrive. no big deal, right? well, it is if you have partitioned your drive b/c you can't delete the partition and remerge all the undeleted partitions into one chunk b/c the setup files are on the partition. so all i had to do was just boot from the CD. simple, right? no, not for my computer. my desktop doesn't have a CD-ROM in the tower itself (it's generally used as a small server computer i think); i have had to use the USB external CD-ROM to connect to it. we tried changing the BIOS, but it didn't detect the USB port that was connected to the CD-ROM. grrr. we tried copying the setup files we need (from a reference online) to a USB key. the BIOS detected the USB, but it couldn't boot from the USB.

by this time, we had just given up. nat was going to try to switch the harddrive out from my current computer into an older computer that had a CD-ROM and wipe and reinstall the harddrive; he was going to do that the next day b/c we were so frustrated and tired. by a stroke of luck, we had one of nat's friends over for a game that night. he suggested opening up the computer, taking out the CD-ROM from my old computer and attaching it to my current computer and installing from there. it was quite a hack job, but fortunately my current computer had an IDE spot for the CD-ROM. i had to connect the power of the CD-ROM to my old computer b/c the power didn't match for my current computer. it looked like frankenstein, but with computers.

to my joy, it worked. it booted from the CD, i wiped and reinstall, and now i have all this space on my computer. :) yippee. :) i must say, as a neat freak, i like how there is minimal stuff on my computer right now. :) i realized after cleaning up my harddrive multiple times before i reinstalled that not all programs will delete all the folders and files that are associated with a given program during an uninstall.

my computer is running, i have lots of harddrive space, and very minimal stuff on my computer. ahh. i feel good. :)

can an extrovert have too much social activity?

2008-10-20T21:33:00.003-05:00

we'll find out after this week...

tuesday night: women's Bible study
wednesday night: hang out with friend
thursday night: movie night with friends
friday night: baby shower
saturday night: dinner with friends
sunday night: small group

my poor introverted husband....

good luck charm?

2008-10-19T21:01:00.002-05:00

well, texas pulled out another victory this week. sean was wearing the same jersey he was last week.

i'm still nervous that texas won't be able to make it through the season unscathed. there has been so many changes to the top 10 rankings in the poll that it seems like no one is safe. maybe it'll help if sean keeps wearing his jersey?

cry baby

2008-10-16T11:16:00.001-05:00

you know you're ready to have another kid when you tear up watching "a baby story" while working out.

what would Jesus say?

2008-10-15T10:02:00.003-05:00

i'm very saddened to hear that there are services like this. what would Jesus say to this "consumerist" attitude that some churches are promoting?

i'd like to direct the people who provide and use the mystery-worshipper service to todd agnew's new song--my Jesus. here are the powerful lyrics:

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit, do we pray to be blessed with the
Wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

And who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes, curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reached for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He'd prefer Beal St. to the stained glass crowd
But I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus
Can I be like You
I want to be like my Jesus

red river shoot out

2008-10-13T11:01:00.002-05:00

i didn't think we could do it, but we won the red river shoot out. :) fortunately, i got to celebrate with my family and jay, who is also a big texas fan. i'll be sad when jay leaves, b/c i won't have anyone else to celebrate with outside my family.

here is our family, celebrating!

the highlight of my day yesterday

2008-10-07T14:31:00.000-05:00

going to the new meijer in urbana. i kid you not, i was super excited to go. ;)

pleasantly surprised

2008-10-06T21:51:00.002-05:00

i've been taking advantage of my library by checking out movies that i've been wanting to see. i must say, i've been pleasantly surprised with how family friendly many of the movies we've seen are--hairspray (the newest version), night at the museum, no reservations.

i don't know if it's b/c of the news we read or the shows we watch on tv, but when we've watched these movies we've always thought the worst things were going to happen--someone gets kidnapped, someone gets raped, someone gets beaten up, etc. so it's refreshing to watch these movies that prove our expectations wrong.

chick flick?

2008-09-24T14:15:00.001-05:00

me: i got 27 dresses from the library. don't worry, i'll watch it without you.
nat: is that the one about the bridesmaid? the one with the girl from grey's anatomy?

why yes, yes it is nat. maybe i should watch it with you. :)

visitor

2008-09-22T21:02:00.002-05:00

my best friend amy is coming into town on thursday. i know that she doesn't care what the house looks like or what i make for the meals, but i do. :)

i went a little bit overboard cleaning today, and i blame it on the nice weather and amy visiting. i scrubbed and cleaned the kitchen counters, cleaned the windows in the kitchen, and cleaned the bathroom. all i have left housework wise is doing some laundry. (nat has kindly volunteered to sweep and mop the floor).

i had my menu planned out for amy's visit but i had to scrap my fried chicken meal since amy had been eating out all last week (she lost power b/c of ike). i hope that amy has a good time while she's here. :)

no more tv

2008-09-19T21:10:00.002-05:00

we officially have no more (free) cable anymore. for the past 2 years, we've had 2 high speed internet connections--dsl (which we pay) and cable (which the university paid). the cable was used for nat's research and the cs department just paid a lump sum up front. the cable guys that installed the service forgot to filter out the tv cable, so we got free cable until now.

i am sad that we don't have cable now (or a working antenna). we just got home from a week long trip in the bay area, and all i really want to do is veg out in front of the tv.

the kind of home i'd like to have...

2008-09-16T12:23:00.002-05:00

well, i'm on my 5th day here at los garcia's. they are nat's best friends. :) i must say, the type of home and atmosphere is the kind of home that i'd like to have at some point. they are so relaxed and welcoming at their home. it's been a pretty quiet week so far, but in previous visits, they'd have people come in and out. no need to really tell them you're coming, just come over. the door is always opened for visitors! :)

the garcias basically have the attitude of "my house is your house". i just rummage through the house and kitchen to find what i need, and i don't feel guilty about doing it. it's like being at my parents (or nat's parents) house where i can just really make myself feel at home. at first, i felt that i'd be a burden, but by now, i just feel like i'm a family member in their house. of course, the garcias probably would say that i was one from the first day that i got here. :P so if you're ever visiting our house, just know that you can feel free to help yourself to anything you need at our house. :)

the last thing that i love about the garcias is that i truly feel like aunt ramona with their two boys. they give me hugs, kisses, and just hang out with me as if i was really their aunt. they are two very sweet boys, and though they do have their defiant moments, they are very well behaved. they listen to me most of the time when i ask them to do something, which is nice. :) they are both very gentle and sweet in spirit so there isn't very much rough housing, if any, with the boys. they both love sean very much and play well with him. :)

i love the garcia home. :)

sap

2008-09-08T22:07:00.002-05:00

i don't know what it is, but i'm a sap when it comes to certain movies and tv shows. i don't know if part of my high school self is just forever melded with me or what. take for example my recent tv choice--samurai girl. yes, i did say samurai girl, as in the samurai girl on abcfamily. i must say it didn't have the best story or acting, but i found myself having to watch what happens in the end after watching the 2 middle episodes. why? well, the main character was the "underdog" in a love triangle. i'm a sucker for the girl characters who are the "underdogs" when it comes to the "popular" guys. i think part of it is b/c i felt like i was always the "underdog" that never won--until i got the best prize with nat. :P

the other reason why i'm a sap is that any show or movie that tugs at your heart strings make me cry. i think i get emotionally caught up in the story. we just watched dan in real life tonight, and i cried 3 times. yes, 3. i think i've cried in all the "old school" 2D animation disney movies starting with little mermaid.

as a side note, when i get into one of these shows or movies, don't interrupt me, i get irritated. :) let me finish watching so i can sob. :)

long night

2008-09-06T10:29:00.002-05:00

last night i had long night. it took me awhile to fall asleep, and when i was ALMOST asleep, i heard a crinkling noise. i woke up nat and asked if he heard it. he said it was an animal outside. we kept hearing it, so nat turned on the light and looked around the windows to see what it was. we couldn't find anything. i heard it again, and i was determined to figure out was it was. i finally found it, and it was a spider on the edge of the plastic bag used in our trash can. i don't know how it was making all that noise, but when its legs were moving on the bag, it created a crinkling noise. nat killed it, and i was able to fall asleep.

then, at 2:30 AM, i awoke to sean crying. i don't know what was bothering him, but he was crying and whimpering off and on until probably 3:30 or so. then i went back to sleep. i had a dream where i missed greeting at church (which is what we're supposed to do on sunday), so it wasn't very restful.

nat woke up early to go to the restroom, and i woke up. then at 7:10AM, the bell went off at the elementary school at the end of the street. it went off until about 7:45. :P

i'm tired today. zzzzzz....

new reality show for bravo

2008-08-28T09:53:00.002-05:00

i've been pretty hooked on watching project runway and shear genius on bravo. i just like seeing what the designers and stylists create. unfortunately, i have to sit through 40 minutes of drama while they create their designs/styles and then at the end 10 minutes of judging and elimination. so all in all, there is 5 minutes of the show that i really care about.

then, it hit me while i was watching the show and nat was working on his conference paper! i could make a reality show about the drama of publications! i mean, really, each grad student goes through just as much drama as any one of the shows--fighting with advisors or co-authors, stress and panic that you won't finish on time, seeing the process of how a paper unfolds, late nights of working to get your experiments done, etc. for judging, who can be better than the reviewers of the papers? i mean, simon on american idol has nothing on the reviewers. they can be brutal! unlike the current shows, there isn't a real "winner" b/c some of the accepted papers have pretty bad reviews. in addition to the reviews, the judges argue among themselves of what papers to accept. yes, i do think that this should be the next reality show. does any one want to join me? :)

to go or not to go

2008-08-22T10:10:00.003-05:00

nat has a conference in the bay area yet again. :) and again, i'm debating on whether or not i should go. my other option is to go see my parents down in houston. i think of all the times that nat has been away, i've either had one of my parents stay with me or i go to my parents. ok, that's not true, one time, i actually toughed it out in town. :) but why tough it in town, when my parents are offering to get my tickets with their frequent flyer miles? :)

anyways, the last time, i got excited about going to the bay area to have them meet sean. but then, i thought of the logistics, and i whimped out. i think that's what's making me whimp out again. where is sean going to sleep? what if he cries at night? what about all the stuff he needs for eating? is this going to mess up his weaning? in my mind, it's one thing to inconvenience your family with all the baby gear and some crying (which usually isn't so bad), but it's another to inconvenience your friends; especially friends with kids. what to do, what to do. :P

new computer

2008-08-13T15:01:00.003-05:00

well, after years of nat's not-so-subtle hints, i'm thinking about getting a new computer. i'm running out of hard drive space (i mis-partitioned it, thinking the OS and programs would only need about 7GB), and in recent weeks i've battle freeing up space. also, my poor computer sounds like it's working pretty hard at times, which nat feels is unacceptable.

the other reason i'm thinking about possibly getting a new computer is because i think i'd like the mobility of a laptop. our study, where my computer currently is, is an off-limits space for sean b/c of all the cords lying around. it would be much nicer if i could just quickly send an e-mail with a laptop instead of either 1) battling sean while he's in the room or 2) having him cry b/c i'm out of sight.

before i get a new computer (i know i could reinstall my current one, maybe i'll do that first), there are 2 programs i'd really like to get--microsoft office and adobe photoshop. fortunately, nat is still at uiuc, so he can get a discount for these programs. :) yay!

do you have any suggestions for a laptop? i don't need the fastest or fanciest one out there--though i would prefer one that was light and had a lot of hard drive (i think most are sufficient for what i need). i do want a windows computer*.

* i know i know, i'm a CS major, how could i want a windows. well, it's what i prefer to use, and i'm not ashamed to say it. :)

crash

2008-08-11T11:58:00.001-05:00

i broke the side view mirror to my husband's car this morning while backing out. :P there's a costly mistake that i hope not to be making again.

cupcakes of catan

2008-08-07T14:53:00.001-05:00

that's right, i said CUPCAKES of catan. :)

the name of the wind

2008-08-05T10:50:00.002-05:00

i just finished reading the name of the wind by patrick rothfuss. as many of you know, i read youth and teen fiction, and this fell underneath that category. it's very well written, and it isn't too dark (and for me, i really like very clear good vs bad books). the book ends with a very obvious lead in into a sequel. the only problem is the sequel to this book isn't coming out until 2009. that means i will have probably forgotten what has happened in the first book when it comes out next year.

alas, i needed to blog about it, lest i forget next year. :)

where to go?

2008-08-04T11:04:00.002-05:00

a lot of people have been asking nat, "when are you going to graduate?" which is then followed by "what do you want to do? where do you want to work?" answers to all the questions are pretty much "we don't know" and we'll see what we get when nat applies for jobs. :)

thinking about where we're going to live next has made me think about our next house. i've come to the realization that i don't want a house much bigger than our current house. i'd like maybe one or two more bedrooms, a bathroom, and an eating area, but not too big in square footage. why? so i don't have to clean as much. i realized that with a smaller house, cleaning the house is very do-able. in fact, if i wanted to do dusting, mopping, sweeping, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, i could probably do it in 2 hours or less. if i had a house the size of what i grew up in, i think it'd take me a few days to clean. with that sized house, i can understand why stay at home moms have to make the choice between a clean house or taking care of the kids. i like doing both, and nat and i like it clean. with a smaller house, i think it'd be more manageable to keep it clean and take care of the kids. at least that's my hope.

surprise visit

2008-08-03T21:42:00.002-05:00

my friend tony called me on friday (i think) to let me know that he was in st. louis. my first response was "are you coming to visit?"* to which he responded most likely, and it'd be sunday.

well, tony did come into town today with his girlfriend katherine, and we had a fun time just hanging out and getting dinner. now he's driving back to st. louis, and then next week heading back to california. i don't know when the next we'll see each other again. hopefully soon! :) maybe next time tony will be a bike racer and have smoother legs than me. :)

* i must say i wasn't too surprised that he was nearby b/c we never really talk on the phone now unless one of us is visiting the other.

my boy is 1!

2008-08-01T10:37:00.002-05:00

i can't believe it, but my little boy is 1. he turned 1 yesterday. i can't believe it's been a year already. sometimes it goes fast, sometimes it goes slow. yesterday was a "oh my goodness, time flies so fast" day. i can't believe in a couple of years, and i'll be one of those soccer moms. :P

i guess i thought i'd always be one of those young and hip moms, but i don't think it'll be true after a few years (and possibly/hopefully) and more kids. and no, i'm not pregnant. :P

checklist

2008-07-24T11:51:00.002-05:00

here's my check list of things to be done before my family gets here this weekend for sean's birthday:

things we've finished:

cleaned the bathroom
cleaned and sweeping the floors
cleaned the kitchen counters
grocery shopping
made the spaghetti sauce
made the meatballs
made the yogurt
made granola

things we still need to do:

marinate the meat for the carnitas
defrost the meat and dumpling wrappers
make cupcakes

yes, a lot of things are radiating around food. :) here is our planned menu for sat-sun

saturday
breakfast: granola and yogurt
lunch: dumplings
dinner: carnitas, roasted corn, mexican rice, cupcakes

sunday
breakfast: blueberry pancakes and bacon
lunch: spaghetti and meatballs, salad

dr. t

2008-07-20T14:24:00.000-05:00

i went to my really good friend t's defense on friday. she's one of my closest friends here in champaign-urbana. we actually visited uiuc together in the spring of 2002 to decide which grad school we'd go to. we basically survived the first year together--taking almost all the same classes. we hung out together a lot our first few years, and though the time we spend together has steadily declined, i still really enjoy our time together.

anyways, back to t. she did a fabulous job at her defense. it was well organized, her slides were interesting without too much text, and she presented it very well. i was very pleased that she presented her work in such a fashion that people that aren't in her area could understand the work. it was a job very well done. she has worked so hard at finishing up the past weeks, and it showed when her committee signed her defense paperwork such that she passed with no revisions needed. she is going to make some slight revision to clarify some points brought up in the defense, but other than that, she's done! :) say hello to dr. t!

i'm so proud of dr. t. it's been a hard and long road for her with regards to advisors, research, support from the department, and various other things. but t knew what she wanted, and she needed a phd to teach at a university. i know that there were many days (even months, perhaps years) where this thought of teaching would be thing that would keep her going. well, she's finished and she's got her dream job at teaching at her undergrad university in a city that she loves. i'm so incredibly happy for her.

i can't believe it's already been 6 years since the day she started her phd. time has gone so quickly, and to be honest, we both thought i'd be the first to leave. t had lamented the fact that i would be gone and that she would be here in champaign urbana without me. my how the tables have turned. :) now, i'm the one lamenting. actually, i'm currently in denial. t had told me the date that she was going to leave, but it just crept up on me so fast. in a blink of an eye, it was the beginning of july, and then when i came back from vacation, she was defending in 2 days. now, she's leaving on tuesday. we're having dinner together tomorrow night, but i'm still in denial that she's leaving. i'm just not ready to say good bye yet.

i love you dr. t. i'm so proud and happy of what you've accomplished these 6 years. i've seen you grow so much during this time, and i'm so glad and privileged i could share this time with you. i know you're going to do great teaching! don't forget all those hints for topics and lectures for computer security that we came up for you! :)

my vacation according to wordle

2008-07-17T11:27:00.002-05:00

i copied all the text from my blogs during our trip to MA. here's what our trip was like according to me via wordle.net:

yarn 2, ramona 1

2008-07-17T07:37:00.002-05:00

i finally untangled that big mess the 2nd day on vacation. i rolled it into a ball that had a center pull. i finished crocheting the blanket, using the same pattern as sean's first afghan.

unfortunately, i when i laid out the afghan, i realized it looked really warped at the top. it bulged out a lot. i couldn't find the mistake. nat couldn't find the mistake. so, last night, i undid the afghan to the point where i thought the afghan didn't looked warped; this left me 1/3 of the afghan. i could have left it, but i'm a perfectionist and i wanted to give it as a gift. i know that a few of you had commented that mistakes are good b/c you know it's handmade. this mistake was too evident, and i couldn't bring myself to keep it in. here's to another few hours working on this afghan. :) cheers!

gift for stay at home parents

2008-07-14T16:24:00.002-05:00

after being on vacation with nat's family this week, i'll let you in on a secret. if you have a spouse that's a stay at home parent, i have a great gift you can give them, and it's free.

take care of your child for them. why? well, i find that being a stay at home mom, i get burned out after some time. the only time i really relax is when sean is down for a nap. otherwise, i feel like i'm always having to watch sean. i might be laying down on the couch, but i still have my "mommy guard" up. i think that wears me out. after doing this "job" day in and day out, the responsibility of raising a child most of the day wears on you. a lot.

so how do you go about this? just do it. just say to your spouse, "i love you, and i want time to yourself. i'll take care of our son/daughter. i want to spend time with them while you recuperate". i think it works for as long as you can hold the fort, but if it's only a couple of hours, that's fine as well. i think these words and actions work especially well for me. the words say to me: 1) that nat really cares for me as a wife and understands how hard my job is day in and day out and 2) that nat enjoys spending time with sean and that it's not a chore to him.

i think on this vacation, i'm really appreciating the "enjoying your child and it's not a chore" attitude of taking care of the child. there are nights when we're both tired, and nat is willing to take care of sean, but i have to ask him if he will. this makes me feel guilty b/c i feel like nat would rather not take care of sean b/c he's busy or tired, so i should just do it instead. whereas when nat just takes sean and says he wants to do it, i feel more carefree.

anyways, those are just my thoughts from this trip.

are you kidding me?

2008-07-09T11:05:00.004-05:00

so after my frustrating night, i had a frustrating morning. i was supposed to go to the library while sean was sleeping b/c nat was at home working on a paper submission. did i get to do that? no.

why, you ask? well, i wanted to hold our mail, so i wanted to do it online. my computer had restarted b/c of an update that installed last night. opened firefox. couldn't connect. if i shut off zonealarm, i could use the internet for a minute, but i couldn't use any other part of my computer (i.e. windows would say, "windows cannot access...."). so i had to restart. if i wanted to use the other parts of my computer, i couldn't use the internet. after much sifting, we found that it was b/c of the windows update i installed last night (KB951748) and zonealarm. i took an hour of my precious' husbands time to figure this out. even then, it took some time to find the windows update log file (it's under the WINNT folder or WINDOWS) b/c it's not on the GUI for the windows update. then we had to find it in "add/remove software" after we checked the "Show updates" box at the top. cryptic.

now, everything is back to normal. i have found, though, if i turnoff zonealarm, my computer is rendered useless. i can't access anything on my computer. RIDICULOUS! how did zonealarm do this? and why? WHY? WHY? i will not be installing zonealarm if i ever rebuild my computer (or get a new one).

thanks nat for taking out your precious time to help me with my computer. i love you. and yes, i know you think i need a new one now, but i don't. ;)

yarn 1, ramona 0

2008-07-08T22:08:00.003-05:00

AHHHHH! i hate, and i mean HATE it when a ball of yarn tangles. GRRRR. i think i've been 50% successful at finding the yarn in the middle of the manufactured ball, and of that 50%, i've been 50% successful at crocheting it without any tangles.

yesterday, i bought a new ball of yarn to finish my crochet. i thought, "hey, i'll get a lot done while we watch the movie". the movie started. i fished for the start of the yarn in the middle. no where to be found. i dug deeper and pulled out the middle. still, i couldn't find the beginning of the yarn. eventually, i had a tangled mess with all the middle of the yarn ball in my lap. GRRRR. i started to make a ball using the outside piece of yarn. then, i hit tangle and knot after tangle and knot. GRRRRR.

i was SO frustrated that i was tempted to throw the whole thing out and buy another ball. but, i regained my cool (it also helped that nat raised his eyebrows at me as if to say, "you're going to waste all that yarn b/c you couldn't untangle it?"). i vowed that i would finish untangling the mess tonight. 2 hours later, i have a stiff body from trying to wind the yarn, and i still have half of a mess left. GRRRRR!

if you have any hints to help me avoid this situation, i would greatly appreciate it. if you have any hints of how to avoid tangles after i found the middle start piece in a ball, that would be fantastic as well. otherwise, it might be years between my crochet projects. YEARS! :P

stay at home mom

2008-07-01T10:41:00.002-05:00

i never realized how difficult being a stay at home mom is until i was one. and i just wanted to say "yay for stay at home moms!*" it's hard and sometimes overlooked as one of the most difficult, yet worthwhile jobs to have.

so why this post? well, i was sitting in bed last night, and it dawned on me that one of the hardest reasons i have being a stay at home mom is that parenting falls more on my shoulders than nat's. it's not that nat doesn't want to share that burden, but when he's working most of the hours that sean's awake, it's hard to share that 50-50. there are days that i wish i could just let someone take care of sean or teach him how to do something**. and yes, many people have offered to watch sean for me so that i don't get burned out. and in reality, i do want to be the one parenting him 99% of the time, but there are still just those days. :P (moms, you know what i'm talking about.) and in reality, sean is not a hard little boy to take care of. he's pretty easy, and i know that. i think it's the constant needing-to-be-alert-so-that-he-doesn't-get-into-trouble mode that i'm in that wears at me. the only time in the day that i get a break (when sean's awake) is when nat comes home and i make dinner***. so for all the moms out there that feel the way i do, i say, "YAY mom! good for you to stick it out! :)"

on another tangential note, nat and i had a little tiff about parenting last night. i began to feel the burden more than my liking. i had been feeling that i wasn't really getting a break from watching sean when nat came home b/c sean would be crawling around in the kitchen getting in my way. of course, i was terse and mean with nat and pointed out these things (b/c i was angry). at night, he admitted that being a dad is much harder than he pictured, and when it is, he just kinda shuts off and wants to be lazy. (hmm, much like what i described in the previous paragraph. with nat, he gets the luxury of me being at home and slacking off, though) but i'm very thankful that he was humble enough to admit these things to me last night (even though i was angry and didn't really respond to what he said). i'm also grateful that he desires to be a better dad, especially when it's hard. so here's a "YAY!" to all the dads out there that love, support, encourage, share the burden, and know how difficult it is for their wife to stay at home.

* i know it's hard to be a working mom as well, my mom was all her life.
** i think it's my human lazy mentality of letting someone else do it. :P
*** ironically, before sean, that was the time of day that i was most stressed.

yogurt making!

2008-06-25T19:18:00.001-05:00

i made yogurt today for the first time. :) it was time consuming, but it looks like it turned out ok (i still need to refrigerate it, so i haven't tasted it).

basically, i needed to scald milk, cool it down, add in existing yogurt with live cultures, incubate it at a certain temperature for 4 or so hours. :)

two weeks, two babies

2008-06-23T11:49:00.002-05:00

congratulations to felix and kristen on their new baby boy anders john! :)

congratulations to andrew and allison on their new baby boy nathan andrew. :)

my friends think i live in po-dunk town

2008-06-19T22:10:00.002-05:00

i invited some of my close friends to come visit me here in champaign-urbana. they often joke that they'll see me in chicago. they know that i don't live up there, but i think deep down, they rather be up there. 2 of the friends have been here for the urbana conference, and they did not enjoy it one bit. i don't blame them b/c really, champaign-urbana, isn't showing their best side in the middle of winter with snow and wind chill to a few people from down south. :P it isn't really hospitable.

anyways, the joke has continued that we live in a po-dunk town where everyone farms*. while i know they are saying these things in jest, it's come to bother me. perhaps it's my snarky mood. i feel like i have to defend champaign-urbana. it isn't like this horrible backwards town with nothing to do but sit out in the cornfield all day.

i think, secretly, my friends are scared to visit**. they all come from and live in large cities, so i don't think they know what to expect from a smaller city. well, if they ever come, i hope they can see the charm of champaign-urbana. and i really hope they don't come and then complain about where i live. it will make me snarkier.

* of course, to add to their teasing, i've told them i grew a garden this year.
** a subset of my close friends have known each other since high school. they had no problem flying out to visit each other when some of them moved away. granted, they moved to cities like san fran and l.a. for visiting me here in champaign, it's been mostly talk. we'll see if they really do come. granted, one of them did come visit me a few years ago. it was sweet. i think she enjoyed it. :P

why blog?

2008-06-19T22:00:00.002-05:00

the question has come a few times on why i blog. the main reason i blog is to keep my good friends updated on my life. i have 7 friends in particular that i have in mind. unfortunately, they aren't really into the whole web 2.0, well, maybe 2 of them. sometimes, i want to be snarky* when they ask the question, "what's been going on lately?". my snarky response would be, "you can read it on my blogs; you have been reading them, haven't you?".

i will give bonus points if you comment on this post and you are one of the 7. :)

* i'm in a snarky mood. beware. nat is aware. we're trying to work through it.

twisting words

2008-06-13T10:47:00.002-05:00

i can be very good at twisting nat's words sometimes. i think he feels torn on whether i'm being witty or just intolerable. i think most of the time, he's leaning towards the intolerable side. here is a snippet of a conversation we had last night. :)

nat's almost asleep and we're both in bed.
nat: i love you this much.
nat does a gesture in which i don't see because my back is toward him.
me: you love me how much? from your head to the wall? that's a foot, that isn't very much.
nat: from my head to the ceiling is about 6-7 feet.
me: so you only love me 6-7 feet? i bet you love soccer 8 feet.
nat: i love soccer 10 mm.
me: so you do only love me 6-7 feet. well i love as much as the universe is big. and since it's always growing, that's a lot.
nat: that's sweet. i'm going to let your love wrap me up as i go to sleep.
me: and i'll wrap your love around me as i sleep. pause. all 6-7 feet of it.
nat laughs and then groans.
nat: you know you're very good with words. twisting the things i said into things i don't say.

really, i don't know why nat gets so exasperated. :P

my husband loves me

2008-06-10T19:34:00.002-05:00

how do i know nat loves me? he puts away things for me. :) i loathe putting things away. i don't mind cleaning and tidying, just putting them away. here is a short list of what i mean.

i don't mind washing dishes, putting them in the drying rack, loading the dishwasher, or starting the dishwasher. putting away the dishes, that's another story. in the morning, nat is so sweet to put away the dishes that have acquired in the dish rack from the previous day. :) it's usually quite a large pile of dishes that is precariously stacked. :P

i don't doing the laundry, folding it, and putting it in the basket. i really hate putting it back in the drawers. i don't know why. i just do. i can let a basket of folded laundry sit there for weeks. i think my record is 2 weeks. usually, it bothers nat so much that he'll put them away. most of the time he'll put them away b/c he knows i hate it.

i hate taking out the garbage and recycling from out house to the cans. drives me nuts for some reason. nat usually likes to wait until the garbage is completely full before he takes it out. unfortunately, most of the time when that happens, he's at work or doing some other chore. i usually take it out, but nat does a good job at doing it sometimes. he does a great job at taking out the recycling. :)