you're such a meanie

i have to confess that i've been really mean lately to nat, and i'm not usually a mean person. it's been strange b/c i'm usually never mean just to be mean, but this past week i have been. i've been really sarcastic, spiteful, grumpy, crabby, and down right a b*&^h. :( nat knows i've been crabby, so he's been giving me space. and being the loving husband that he is, he has been so sweet in asking how i've been and trying to help me figure out what's been bothering me. the man has been a saint in just enduring my hurtful words and bad attitude.

well, i think i finally figured out what was bothering me after a week and a half of being a grouch. i'd been getting nat small little gifts here and there of things that i know he likes--good chocolate on valentine's, an Easter basket for Easter, wallet sized pictures of sean for his trip, etc. well, secretly, i wanted nat to be doing the same thing too. i thought it didn't really bother me until i turned grouchy (i think it was brought on by my period too). all my feelings just boiled up and i exploded. i told nat, and he didn't realize i felt that way b/c my main language of love is acts of service and quality time, not gifts. gifts have been more important to me b/c i think i want something a little bit more b/c i've been so busy taking care of sean and our house. i've just been so burned out that i wanted something a little bit more special. so nat, being the sweet husband that he is, tried really hard to get me little gifts. unfortunately, the gifts that nat gave me i wasn't really touched by. i felt more hurt b/c nat admitted that he wasn't really quite sure what i liked. we had to talk some more, and we both realized that it wasn't really "the thought" that mattered to me.

after our talk, i've been feeling better. nat came to the realization that he had been so caught up in work that he hadn't really thought about me too much. he realized, "if i want ramona to be nice to me, i need to be nice to her". well, nat's made a huge comeback this week. he's surprised me with filling up a picture frame with some of my favorite pictures of our family and this wonderful blog post.

throughout this ordeal, i've been really thankful for how God has been working in my heart. truly, without God, i think i would have just continued to suppress my hurt and anger and become even more passive aggressive. but God has reminded me over and over again, "in your anger do not sin". He's also reminded me how much i am hurting nat and our marriage by harboring these feelings. because of these things, i've been able to humble myself and be reconciled with nat. thank You Lord!