"zjok swee" (very beautiful)

recently, my grandfather passed away of cancer in taiwan. originally, my mom and her family had thought that he would have 3-6 months to live; it turned out it was only about 6 weeks. luckily i had a chance to talk to my grandfather for a little bit a few weeks before he passed away while he was semi-lucid and able to recognize who i was. i didn't understand most of the conversation b/c he was speaking in taiwanese, but i did understand when he called his great-grandson "zjok swee" which means very beautiful.

since that conversation, i haven't really been thinking about my grandpa and his funeral b/c i'm partially in a state of denial. in my mind, my grandpa is still the healthy grandpa that loved to take walks in the park, ride his moped, get breakfast for our family when we visited in taiwan, write calligraphy, watch japanese tv, and tell stories. part of me wants to be able to go to the funeral to face reality and mourn with the family, but the other part of me is happy to remember the healthy grandpa rather than seeing the cancer-riddened grandpa.

even if i can't quite grasp the reality of my grandpa dying, i am very thankful that i was able to travel to taiwan as often as i did to spend time with him.