a sure thing
i've been really battling feeling confident as a mom lately. yesterday, i cried 3+ times because i felt so unsure of myself as a mom--unsure that i was doing a good job, unsure of being able to read sean's cues, unsure that i was making the right choices for sean, unsure if i was interacting and playing with him enough, etc. it wears me down emotionally when i get down on myself. God used nat, once again, to console me. he told me i was doing a good job (and not just b/c he had to) and basically told me to extend myself some grace and relax. he also helped me put things in perspective and said, "ramona, you should really take care of yourself first, and then take care of sean. i'm hear to share the burden of parenthood with you; you don't have to do it all by yourself". did i mention how much i love my husband and how God is so good to me to provide him for me? it's like God knew exactly what kind of husband i needed!
as i've thought more about my confidence issues as a mom, God has been putting the words, "My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name" in my head. i think God is telling me to put my confidence and hope as a mom in Jesus, and that it's ok if i don't do everything perfect (which, of course, i can't!) b/c i can lean on Jesus! :)
posted by Ramona @ 5:50 PM
2 Comments:
Your sweet man is so right.
And you are right to be leaning on Jesus. He forgives your sins, and rejoices over your smallest efforts.
Mike had a blog entry that was to helpful to me about God as our most indulgent parent. Go check it out. It is an awesome reminder and great food for meditation.
Imagine you as Sean, learning how to love and learn from and obey you perfect parent, the God of the universe. He rejoices over your every little effort, now that your efforts aren't willful attempts to justify yourself, but labors of love and pbedience.
Seriously, my friend, He is so pleased with you, and has given you Sean to take care of because YOU are the best mom for him. I've watched you with him, and I think you're doing great. You are much better than I was when I first started this whole baby thing.
The first night we got #1 home, sweet husband went out for a walk, and I sat on the side of the bed cradling a screamy baby bawling my eyes out because I though (irrationally) that I was a failure as a mom because I couldn't keep the baby happy and quiet and fed all the time, and I convinced myself that husband had left me and was never coming back, because I had failed as a mom AND a wife.
Of course he came back. And of course I wasn't a "failure." I had just started, I was on a steep learning curve, and the journey had just begun for us as parents.
You are surrounded by friends and families who can give you excellent advice and heart support and a well needed laugh at your own beautiful self once in a while.
Relax. You and Sean will get to know each other soon soon soon. You are doing so many things right. Don't worry about the little inevitable mistakes. We all make them.
We all leave the baby on the bed, forgetting that he just learned to roll over.
We all forget to buckle them in to the seat belt after shoving the carrier (that weighs a TON) into the back seat after dragging an over-full grocery cart through the ENTIRE store looking for where the crazy kid dropped his blanket and passie.
We all get frustrated, angry with our children, and then angry with ourselves.
We all have things we regret.
But commend yourself and your sweet son to God, becasue he is faithful and jsut to forgive our sins, and he knows how to give good gifts to us, his children. He has storehouses of wisdom, and he gives to us freely without reproach.
thanks megan for the encouragement that you've brought to me! :)
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