pre-pregnancy pants

i tried on my pre-pregnancy pants today and they fit! not only did they fit, they were a little bit loose! i couldn't believe it!

motherhood 201

our son, jonas, was born on 9/11, so he's a week old now. yay! how time does fly with the second (though sleepless nights are still pretty long).

today, i realized that motherhood 201, while at times is easier, can be just as hard as motherhood 101. for me, i know what to expect and that the difficult times will pass. i know that we can train our child and mold him, though it might take some time and effort. these things make a lot of the psychological aspect of parenting easier. i'm not as stressed (though i am still a little) about being a good parent or messing up my son.

what makes parenting 201 harder is that i have a different child. the things that worked for sean don't necessarily work for jonas. already, i can see how jonas and sean have different temperaments and schedules. because of this, there are times where i'm still asking myself, "what am i doing wrong? how come i don't know my child?" i know that God is using this time period to continue to show me to depend on Him solely as i have no control in jonas' life as a newborn. not only that, jonas is different from sean, so it's a whole new learning process of figuring out what works for jonas and his "schedule". there have been many days this week, especially ones like today where we had a long night, where i have asked a lot of the same questions as when i was a mom for the first time--"is this normal? am i doing something wrong? am i doing a good job as a mom?" and ironically, i've been writing e-mails to new moms recently to encourage them through their times of doubt with these same questions. in fact, nat has used my same words to encourage me the past couple of days. i thank God that i'm married to nat and what a source of encouragement and strength he is during this fragile time for me. and i thank God that He is sustaining me and giving me just what i can handle at this time. i will say, i am so thankful that sean is taking the transition to his brother well, and that sean doesn't wake up to his little brother's loud cries in the middle of the night. i know that this is just God's grace to me to help me through this period.

despite my difficulties, i have found that i am more laid back with jonas. i am enjoying my time with him as a newborn more. i have to remember to also treasure and spend my time well with sean. i know that this time period will pass, so i pray that God will help me enjoy as much as this time as i can.