it's hard to keep in touch

e-mail, chat, and getting together face to face are my preferences for keeping in touch. unfortunately, the e-mail and chat is not some of my closest friend's choice of communication. meeting face to face is out of the question, mostly due to the fact that they're in a different state. put all these things together, and what do you get? well, this week, it came in the form of, "i'm happy you two are going to get married soon, but i don't know very much about your boyfriends or your relationship".

it makes me very sad to realize that i seemed out of the loop. on the one hand, i know that i need to put more effort into keeping in touch with them, and on the other hand, i feel that maybe they need to keep me more "in the know". but i think the latter is more of my hormones and irritation speaking (see previous post). in any case, i know that i'm being hypocritical b/c i'm not doing my best at keeping my friends in the loop.

i think that it'd be easier if we all lived in the same city, but i guess in heaven we'll have eternity to keep in touch.

the joys of fluctuating hormones!

i used to pass off my irritation, agitation, and just judgmental attitude to my lack of sleep. after nat and i started dating, i attributed my being upset and hurt to not feeling loved. this week, i've put two-and-two together and realized that i get very hormonal when it's "that time of the month", and these feelings come around that time. talk about revelation!

i really don't like myself during that time of the month. all the things that are ugly about myself (my sin of pride, selfishness, etc.) tend to surface and rear it's ugly head at that time. the stinky part is, i let it get ahold of me. yuck. i'm wondering what steps i can take to minimize my pms. any thoughts?

shout out!

just wanted to say i love you and miss you nat!

this is one of my favorite pictures of us on our 6 month-iversary for our marriage. i'm surprised how quickly i forget the details of what nat looks like!

look ma, no hands!

summer solstice, first day of summer, a raw egg standing up by itself. happy june 21, 2006 everyone!*

*no, this is not a trick; i actually got a raw egg to stand up because of the solstice. took me a while to balance, but i have proof that i did it. thanks lydia for calling me! :)

woe is not me

i had a "woe is me" attitude for about a week after nat left. i liked it when people sympathized, emphatized, and took pity one me. i'd go as far as to say that i expected attention from people and for them to minister to my loneliness.

after a week of self-pity, i realized that there were lots of things to be thankful for. i began to give thanks to God for the blessings that He has given nat and i, despite our separation. by God's mercy, He has allowed me to have joy. this joy has also lifted me from my selfish desire of having people minister to my needs, and for me to be more hospitable to others. when i have been tempted to go back to wallowing in my "miserable state", God has brought to mind people that have been separated from their spouses longer than two months. He reminds me of their faith and joy through their circumstances. that reminder shuts me up pretty quick, i must say.

if you're curious what i have given thanks to God for during our separation, here are some things:

• deeper and more thoughtful conversations over e-mail and the phone
• a reminder not to take nat for granted
• the ability for me to be reminded of how much i love nat
• seeing how nat is such a great husband and how he pursues me, even when we're apart
• being able to e-mail every day
• talking on skype for free
• more time to reflect on God individually
• being more prayerful for nat
• seeing the depth of our love for each other and our relationship

the list just goes on and on. thank You God for helping me see Your goodness during our time apart.

prestige revealing my pride

i went to m.i.t. commencement this weekend to see one of oldest and closest friend graduate with her PhD. i had a great time spending time with her and her family, and it was a real blessing just being able to sit down and talk with her.

despite the blessings, it was hard for me to be at m.i.t. like most commencements and graduations, the speakers talk about how bright and talented the graduates are for finishing their degrees from such a prestigious university. for m.i.t., it was more than a claim, it was truth. for so long, i've heard m.i.t. being ranked as the #1 school, and being there, i began to feel why they were #1.

it is the prestige of the school that began to tempt me to care more about worldly things than the things of God. i began to desire to have that prestige in my own life--well known advisors, cutting-edge research, etc. as i became more aware of it, i found that this hunger was suffocating me and my true desire to lay down my life to follow Christ. thankfully, God reminded me that my identity lays firmly in my relationship with Christ. He cares not for the prestige that i might have in this world, for they are empty compared to the riches i have in knowing Christ. praise the Lord!

don't forget how much i love you

as we walked towards the security check at o'hare, the smiles and light-hearted conversation disappeared. i could feel the tears begin to swell. without needing to exchange any words, nat stopped and held me. tears began flowing from my eyes as he held me closer to his chest. my body began to shake, as i began sobbing. the reality of nat leaving began to hit me. i clung on tighter, wishing that he could stay. after a few minutes in our embrace, we reluctantly began pulling apart. as i looked at his tear-stained shirt, he whispered in my ear "don't forget how much i love you, ok?". i nodded, and began wiping the new tears away. "don't forget how much i love you too", i said. after some last minute kisses and hugs, nat was through security, waving good-bye, and then disappearing into the crowd. i won't forget.


as we had prepared for nat's leaving this summer for germany, i began to understand what it means in genesis 2:24, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh". in such a short time, God has melded nat and i together as one--in mind, body, and spirit, and as paul describes in ephesians 5, it is truly a "profound mystery". it is through our parting that i am able to see the depths of our oneness and love for each other. i am beginning to see how when nat is not around, i don't feel like myself, i feel like part of me is missing, which makes it that much harder to see him go. i praise God for this understanding, though it has, is, and will be hard to take this summer, for it reminds me as paul continues in ephesians 5, of how marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. if i already feel a close oneness and deep sense of love for him, how much more does Christ feel for the church and each individual believer? it is so amazing and mind-blowing!